To Be or Not To Be a Parent: 5 Things to Consider Before Having Children

Picture by Sam Stearman

On the fence or having doubts about having children? You're probably right. Having a baby changes EVERYTHING! And it's better to think about it over and over and be completely sure, before you take the first step on the most important journey of your life (and that of your partner and the child(ren) you're thinking about having).
Several women in my life have told me they do not want to have children, and I have nothing but respect for their choice. I love being a mother, but it's not an easy job! I can only imagine how much more difficult it would be if I didn't happen to love it.

Below are five things to run through your mind when deciding whether or not to have children. It's a personal list, so feel free to add or subtract in comments below!

1. Why do you want to have children?
   Probably the most important question to ask yourself is "Why?". There's no right or wrong answer. Just asking the question will clarify things for yourself.
   For example: when we were thinking about it I found research that said that couples without children are happier than those with children. I knew, however, that I wanted a life with as much of the human experience as possible, both good and bad, and that children were a part of that.
   
2. What are your expectations?The worse the better! I'm serious. If you're expecting to get covered in poop while being exhausted and going crazy over a screaming newborn, you're likely to really appreciate the moments your little bundle of joy is sleeping peacefully. If you're expecting to get lots of writing done while your baby is sleeping (um, yes, I thought that would happen) think again!
   
3. What's your baby experience?
   Have you ever looked after a baby for a couple of hours, a whole day? It can throw a clear light on the whole matter. My sister decided to wait a while after she spent some time with our family and saw how much a child can determine your day-to-day activities.
   
4. Can you give it all up?
   A clean house, romantic breakfasts, peaceful evenings, clean clothes, dinner with friends, day-trips, weekends, hobbies? They'll all go out the window, at least for the first few years (depending on how many children you have, and what they're like). Make sure your relationship can taken some shaking too, because tired and grumpy partners are hard to live with.
   
5. Are you in it for the long run?
   I know, it's cliche advice, but in the end if you're heart is in it, all the rest will work itself out. Children grow up fast and before you know it, they're leaving you and you'll be tearing up over it (so I've heard). You don't need tons of money, a house, a car to have a baby. You'll learn to function on less sleep than you thought possible and on a less than existent social life. And the love you feel for this one person becomes the overpowering reason for your existence.

Does that sound like paradise? Then you may just be ready to have children. Remember to take all advice with a grain of salt (including this) and follow your instincts. If all other mammals can keep their cubs, young, piglets or calves alive, I'm sure you'll do just fine!

Soothing a Sick Child

J. Bond Francisco

My little girl was sick last week. Two nights of no sleep took their toll on both baby and Mama (and Daddy too, actually) so the time was right for some reminders of how to keep everyone as sane as possible while going through the roughest patch.

A sick child is a different child. Their character changes, but all this is to reflect their new needs. These are some of the things I did to help my little girl feel as well as she could:

A sick child wants to be with someone all the time. If you think about it, that makes perfect sense. When being sick, you need to be nurtured back to health, so being glued to a care-taker is a normal survival instinct. I used my carrier to carry her and let her sleep on my chest.

Special times call for special treats: lots of cuddles, special toys, story time.

When my baby is sick she doesn't care so much for food other than breastmilk. So I nurse her as often as she wants, as long as she likes.

Getting as much sleep as possible during the day is easier when you spend time in bed together, playing, reading books. Even if she didn't sleep like she used to, lying down would help her rest a little.

To keep ourselves somewhat alive during this time of no sleep and lots of crying, Daddy and I took turns taking care of Savannah and tried to focus as much as possible on staying positive: It's only temporary!

Obviously these tips work for short-term illnesses but you may need a whole other set of skills for a child facing a chronic illness. Either way, seeing your child suffer is always heartbreaking and having others around to support you makes a huge difference! Turn to friends, family or the good old internet and accept all help with open arms!

 

 

 

 

 

The Large Effect of Little Things

Image by JJ Harrison

Now couldn't that be a title of a book? Or a movie? Well, it's not. It's the title of this blog post and inspired by a small creature that has been making our lives miserable. No, I'm not talking about our 16 month old, she's actually quite delightful, I'm talking about the musquitoes that terrorize us every night. Neither me nor my dear husband are very tolerant of buzzing, stinging insects, so having heard them once, we'll pretty much drift in and out of sleep for the rest of the night. The next morning we're both horrendously grumpy while trying not to be and the try to forget about the whole thing, only to have it repeat the next day.

... but I'm not one to complain.

Instead, I want to draw a valuable life lesson from it because, well, that's what makes the whole thing seem less annoying and I have something to write about. Hence the title.

Life lesson of the day:

When looking in morose fashion at how incredibly sad, ugly and violent this world is, think of the little mosquito and it's huge effect. I bet there is something that you can do to have an effect that is much bigger than you are as well. No, don't go bug someone by dancing around buzzing and ruining their day. Instead, think of something positive you could do, for yourself or for others. A kind word to someone who looks down could make their day. Treating the office to chocolates could cheer up the entire floor. Taking time to relax could benefit your health in the long run.

Every action we do has a ripple effect on our future, whether it's internal or external (through brain chemistry and body chemistry thoughts become feelings and physcial actions, so internal versus external is really not much of a difference.)

Do something small today and see something big tomorrow. (Or be patient and wait a little longer. You can learn how to patient here.)

5 tips on how to be patient

Photo by Daniel Schwen

Being patient is not a luxury. With how much there is to do every day, it seems like we spend an awful lot of time waiting around for stuff to happen. Think about waiting for the bus, or the mail, or standing in line at the grocery store.

With people too we need to practice patience. If you have children, you'll know what I mean. If you don't have children, think of other peoples' children and you'll know what I mean.

So how do you do it? How do you become a patient person? Below I'll give some tips on how to be patient for those out there who haven't got a clue, or just need a bit of patient advice.

1. Become religious. It's much easier to wait around for stuff to happen if you believe that God/Allah/the Flying Spaghetti Monster has a plan for you that is unfolding as we speak. If you are too old for fairytales, move on to 2.
   
2. Recognize that you have a problem. If you're waiting and hopping, biting your nails, looking left and right, swearing under your breath or, worse, swearing out loud, you may have an issue with patience. Recognize that this is perfectly human and you are now willing to change your misery.
   
3. Take a deep breath and relax. Recognize that the situation you are dealing with is beyond your control (or if it's not, ask yourself why you're letting yourself suffer without changing it, that's just weird!). Try to let go of wanting to control it and just go with the flow. Pay attention to your surroundings and try to observe where you are, who you are with, what it's like to be alive!
   
4. Use your time to let your mind wander. We don't do this nearly enough! Think of something you've been pondering for a while and give it your full attention. I bet you time will be flying by!
   
5. When dealing with difficult people (toddlers for example) try to imagine the other person's state of mind and point of view. Whomever you're dealing with may not be able to think straight (or not have the mental capacity to do so, like the toddler) or feel overwhelmed by emotion. Not a good time to loose your cool. Feel confident that this will change in a couple of hours (if you're lucky) or years (toddler-case).

I've been blessed with quite a bit of patience, but also with a child that's finding new ways every day to test it. Therefore, any extra tips you may have to offer, please shoot them my way!

Picking up where you left off

Right, it's been a while. Now that we've got that covered, let me say I want to pick this thing up a little bit again. I thought I'd just jump right in and give a glimpse of why I need Minutes Worth Hours now more than ever:

• I'm now a full-time stay-at-home mom of a 15-month-old
• My husband works full time
• Two weeks ago I started my own business as a translator/(copy)writer
• I try to keep a vegetable patch with my mother
• We use cloth diapers and practice attachment parenting

And yet, so my dear husband points out, I still want to do more more more. Obviously I find myself without time to do it and too tired to keep up with anything. Yoga? Hasn't happened in months. Ironing? Three loads waiting upstairs. 

But, I am happy. We've got the most important bases covered. We make enough to cover our expenses. Our baby girl can stay at home instead of go to daycare and, most important of all, she's happy!

So what's my advice for today?

While you're running behind on your chores trying to get everything done and realizing you can't possible manage ... take a breath. Reflect and see if you've got the main things covered that you find of importance. 

If there's anything I've learned having a baby it's that the details don't really matter. What you find important in life, that's what should take up your time and effort. 

In the mean time, try not to flinch when your friend glances at the dirty dishes in the sink. 

As a WAHM I've got some new tips and tricks that I accumulated over the months and will be sharing with you guys. One little piece at a time! Feel like sharing? Comment below or share on facebook to get the conversation started!